I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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