Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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