He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
