i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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