Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize