Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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