this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
