no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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