god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
