he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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