I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
