so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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