Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize