my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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