so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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