You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
