i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
