my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
