your room smells of hookers.
And success
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
