just come out here and I will go home with you...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
