So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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