she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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