Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
