Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
