I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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