That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
