I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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