I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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