I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize