i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
