So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
