it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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