I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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