This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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