My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
