i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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