oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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