I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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