He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
