She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
