I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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