Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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