either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize