I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
