Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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