Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
