i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
