like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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