Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
