Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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