I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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