that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
