I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
