I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
