I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
