Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
