Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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