we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
