My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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