am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
