Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
