so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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