Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
