The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
As shirtless as possible
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
